If you are going to call yourself a photographer and refer to what you do as “a shoot”, do not use the local trailer park as your model pool. Those were some of the brassiest bottle-blondes I’ve ever seen, and makeup caked that thick can only be properly called “frosting”. Holy Christ, one of them looked like she belonged in an Egyptian tomb. Your skank hos had everything short of actual tramp-stamps (and some could have). Jeezus. I’d comment, but can’t think of anything flattering to say, especially about the one draped over the hood of the car. Shouldn’t she be on her back? Maybe with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in one hand and a Marlboro Light in the other?

Every time you type “angles” when you mean “angels”, God kills two kittens. Did you not notice that you’re the only one spelling it that way in your threads? *sigh*

B. is too cool! Like M., I “get” him; I understand what he’s saying. I like the European sensibility, and I like the way he lives with his environment instead of constantly trying to make it into something it’s not and was never meant to be. I think P. would probably like him, too. Why can’t we find any cool people around here? With a few exceptions, we have mostly dumb rednecks, good ol’ boys, black folks trying to be “urban” in a small Midwestern town and “Onward, Christian soldiers”. While I’m bitching anyway, it’s also too fucking hot. 102 yesterday with a heat index of 108, and I don’t even want to look at the forecast today because it’s already 83 and it’s only 0914h. The “rain” (HA!) was a shower that lasted only a few minutes, and nowhere near enough for my wild critters. We need two or three good days of deluge, goddammit! I wonder if a half-breed can do a rain dance? 😉

Jesus tapdancing Christ! Is half the goddamned country illiterate? Your curiosity is not “peaked”, dumbasses, it’s “piqued”!

Jesus, enough with the sunset/sunrise/moon/clouds/water/water on pavement shots. Very nice–they’re all pretty–but only the first hundred or so. After that, they fall into the category of, “Christ, not another one!” Just stop. Yes, we love the moon, and you shot it well, and the sky turns pretty colours when the sun goes down but ENOUGH ALREADY! I have clouds here, too, and even sunrises…I’ve seen them!

Is it obvious that it’s “catch up with photos from contacts day”? 😆

I’m a “sensing” (as opposed to intuitive, like my beloved) sort of person, and I have a good sense memory. A goddamned good sense memory. I notice details. I suck at faces (not entirely face blind, but facial recognition is not my forte and I usually remember people by voice or walk or a scar/birthmark or something), but I do visually remember inanimate objects very well. If you wore an orange T-shirt that I admired, I will remember exactly the shade of orange. I have to, because any other shade of orange would be “wrong”. I sometimes remember people by the scent of their cologne, not because it was overpowering or unpleasant, but because I noticed it and made a memory imprint of “this person goes with this scent”. I remember exactly the way the bolts of velvet felt when I used to touch them in the old Towers department store. V. would run for the toys section, I’d head for fabrics to touch the velvets. I use my senses more than many people do to form perceptions of the world. A red delicious apple should look a particular way, be within a range of shades of red, and the skin should have a particular texture. If it’s not, it’s “wrong”. Maybe that’s why I have so little appreciation for art. I don’t know.

I’d like to remain in possession of all five senses, but the one I would least like to lose is hearing. I’m a “senser”, but also an auditory learner, and either exacting or nitpicking, depending upon who you ask. I’m good at languages, but damned good if I can hear them spoken so I can repeat the words to myself. There isn’t a great lot of difference between the Slovak letters ĺ and ľ, but I can hear it clearly even with my untrained Anglo ear, and both are vastly different from a plain l. I kept straight the French accent grave and accent aigu because I remembered the names and (in my mind) they make a similar sound to the change they make to the letter (jeezus, did that make sense?) I distinctly remember the sound of Mme. Ross’ voice when she taught them to us. If I’m around someone who speaks with an accent for more than a very short time, I’ll pick it up even if I’m making a deliberate effort to not do that. My aunt P. is the same way–she sounds just like Livio, though she was born in England, not Italy, and does not speak Italian at all (except for cursing–that she knows). Anyway, I remember and repeat sounds, and very well!

When I was probably eleven or twelve years old, I used to hear a song on the radio, sometime at home, sometimes at Marlene’s house. On a country station, and I don’t really like country music, but for some reason, I did remember this song. Not the title, not the artist and only a few of the lyrics, but I could hear the music and the lyrics I did know clearly in my head. I started searching for it practically as soon as I’d got Internet access, and although it took me literally years, I found it. Ditto “Bonaparte’s Retreat”; a Glen Campbell song I used to hear when M. had the radio on during the day, though that was easier because Glen Campbell was more popular than Rhett Davis. Same for “Joanne” by Michael Nesmith.

As a teenager, I was a rebellious pain in the arse, and especially after I discovered heavy metal, which (in the early 80s) rapidly evolved into hair metal. Marina didn’t have any music “heavier” than Conway Twitty or The Beatles, so I used to play Q104 (“The ROCK of the Atlantic!”, and yes, I remember exactly how that sounded) when I was at her house. Not loud, because the kids were usually asleep, but I had it on. One night, I turned on the radio partway through a song, and I liked it. It wasn’t anything amazing, but was catchy, and when it was over, I heard the DJ say “Highway (something that sort of sounded like it might be “child”)”. He hadn’t said the name of the song, but I guessed from the lyrics that it was most likely “Christine”. Searches for “Christine” invariably brought up KISS’ “Christine Sixteen”, but goddamn if I didn’t eventually find that song. One person on all of Napster (while it was still worth using) had it, and it took me days to get it on my dial-up connection because he was the only one who did, and he kept logging off before the download finished. The group was Swedish or Dutch or Finnish or something like that, and called Highway Chile. In North America, they weren’t very popular, which was why I heard that song only once; this was, after all, during the Great Hair Metal Flood of the early 80s, and all you had to do to start a band was grow your hair long, wear leather and torn denim, maybe makeup, learn three chords, and scream at the top of your lungs about oppressive adults, partying and scoring with sexy women.

I liked most metal bands, and owned everything from Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and KISS to Ratt, Quiet Riot, Mötley Crüe, Twisted Sister and Accept. I had Raven’s “Sledgehammer Rock”, facrissake, and I liked it. Some I bought, some I taped off the radio. “Balls To The Wall” was practically my anthem; it was just so…harsh. Udo Dirkschneider is a short, stumpy, hideously ugly little German man, but his lungs are made of fucking boot leather. There is nothing melodic about the noise he makes on stage, but when you’re sixteen, hate practically everyone and everything, and wear more chains and studded leather to school than Rob Halford, it’s just what you want.

One night, probably some time in 1984, maybe ’85, I was lying in bed, “herbed” half out of my mind, trying to go to sleep. I had school the next day and it was long, long after midnight. Anyway, I was sort of lying there, half-listening to the radio, and I heard what sounded like an old, scratched record playing some kind of polka, and a woman singing something in German. At first, I thought, “What the fuck?”, but it wasn’t more than a few seconds before I heard the record scratch, an unholy scream, and a voice that sounded like Udo Dirkschneider. The song was okay, but I couldn’t tell what the hell he was screaming because it was Udo Dirkschneider, and because I wasn’t precisely in full control of my faculties. I eventually went to sleep, and never gave another thought to that song.

Yesterday, I wandered in my internet travels across a site that mentioned Kevin DuBrow, the (questionably talented) former frontman of Quiet Riot. I went looking to see what he’s doing these days (producing his own material, being a prick), and Dee Snider was mentioned in the interview. Of course, that made me think of Twisted Sister (who are still together!!), and eventually of Accept. I went to YouTube and watched a video of Balls To The Wall (still love it), then recalled that other song and wondered what it might be. I’m nearly forty years old now, and really not interested in metal anymore (just the stuff from when I was a teenager), so although I was almost positive the song with the scratchy record at the beginning was Accept, I really didn’t want to sit and listen to everything they’d done prior to “sometime in 1985-ish”. I poked about on the site where I’d found the Kevin DuBrow interview and found one with Wolf Hoffman, another short German (with a frog-mouth) who’d been a guitarist with Accept. I read the interview, and he mentioned a song where they’d asked someone’s mother for “kid’s records”. He said, “We wanted people to think they were playing the wrong record”, and I knew that had to be the one. I was right; the scratchy bit at the beginning is a recording made by Dieter Dirks when he was about five years old, and the screaming afterwards is called “Fast As A Shark.” I still think it’s only okay, but my most vivid memories are the auditory ones, and as soon as I heard it, I was once again a sixteen-year-old rebel, lying across my bed at Dad’s house, half-asleep, all baked and wondering, “What the fuck???” 🙂

That’s pretty cool. I had known that Ubie’s “big bite” picture made Explore back in April because someone put, “You made Explore” (or something like that) into the comments. That was my first image ever to make Explore, and I had thought it was the only one. This morning, one of my Flickr contacts sent me a message to ask whether I knew I had photos that had made Explore. He thoughtfully provided the links, and lo and behold, there’s Ubie, and five others! Three are dragonflies, one a butterfly and one a common orange lily. Three of them were taken in June, and two in July, and I didn’t know any of them had made Explore at all.

Ubie, in April.

Ubie

Screaming orange lily, red-spotted purple and The Swamp Thang (darner), in June.

Lily

Red-spotted purple

Swamp darner

Common green darner and a “challenge” from a little blue dasher, in July.

Common green darner

Blue dasher challenge

On one hand, I don’t really care because Explore is just photos that are “interesting”, and doesn’t have any bearing on the quality. Besides, thousands of shots make it to Explore in a single year. On the other hand, it’s still cool because…just because it’s nice to be among those chosen from the Christ-knows-how-many images that are uploaded every day, and because I did it without being a contact whore or a group whore, adding half the damned world to my contact list and submitting my images to every group that’s even sort-of-a-little relevant (like ID Please…when they don’t need an ID).

Anyway, it was cool to see that, and now I need to write M. a note to thank him for letting me know about the other five. 🙂

I “liberated” this from BugGuide because it’s hysterically funny. Damn if this thing doesn’t really look satanic! Reminds me of the way V. used to walk up to random strangers in the mall and say (in a weird, “possessed child” voice), “Satan?” 😆

Satan?

Bless his heart; M. is so goddamned cute. Were he ten years younger, I’d adopt him. Hell, I’d adopt him anyway, if the law would allow. Whoever raised that boy did a fine, fine job.

Okay, this r00Lz!! I found a firmware hack called CHDK for my Canon (actually all with the DigicII chip) that allows shooting in RAW mode. Yes, RAW, just like it should have been able to do when Canon rolled it out, but couldn’t because it was a $500 model, not a $700 model. Also other cool hacks like using the zoom button for manual focus (if the MF button is held down) instead of the arrow button (which is wonderful because I’m rather a bit clumsy with the arrow button) and exposure bracketing, which it doesn’t do out of the box, either (only focus bracketing, or if it could do exposure, I could never figure out how the fuck it worked or find it in the manual). I don’t like HDR photos that much, but I thought it might be fun to try if I should happen upon the right scene (and happen to have a tripod with me….riiiight). Anyway, my camera is now out of warranty, so it wouldn’t matter much, but the beauty of this hack is that it it’s only as “permanent” as you want it to be; it’s resident in the camera’s memory and if you want, it can be activated manually every time you turn on the camera, or you can set a card as bootable so the script runs when you turn it on. Use a different card, and you’re back to Canon’s official firmware. I still haven’t figured out how to toggle RAW mode on and off, but that’s because I just installed it two hours ago and I’ve since been playing with it, plus trying to figure out how to get something to read the files, since it’s not a “known” RAW format (though it shows as “Canon RAW”).

I figured I’d be stuck with only Windows Picasa, which would allow very limited editing, and then could be exported to JPG. That would defeat my reason for wanting RAW in the first place because if I wanted to be able to do only limited editing, I wouldn’t have coughed up for P-shop. I did, and it’s the only reason I will still boot into that awful excuse for an OS anymore, so no, Picasa export to JPG just ain’t gonna cut it.

I *ahem* “located” the Adobe Camera RAW plugin, figuring that if any RAW format existed, this could probably read it, but it did not recognise the file type. Well, fuck it–GIMP’s probably got something, and I’d rather use that anyway because it runs on Linux and I wouldn’t have to reboot. I found the uRAW plugin for GIMP, and the standalone uRAW app, but it did not recognise the RAW files even though the S3IS hack was supposed to be supported. Fuck.

Off I go to the trusty Ubuntu forums to see whether anything else might work. There, I discover an application called Raw Therapee (I am not making that name up), which is free for anyone to download and use forever, though the author does cheerfully accept donations of $5, $10 or $25. I checked to see whether the hacked S3IS was supported, and it was, so I downloaded the tarball and extracted it. There’s no “installation”; it just runs from wherever it is, so I copied it into my /home and fired it up. I loaded up a directory of RAW files, expecting another error message about unsupported format, but what I got was…a lovely RAW image of the junk on top of my fishie cupboard! I have roughly half an idea of how the program works, but there are lots of adjustment options available, and if I didn’t have so much to do today, I’d spend the next three hours just playing with it. Alas, the fish need water changes and there’s much else to be done, so no time now. Still, it’s pretty fucking awesome; almost like getting a brand new camera for nothing. Unless Raw Therapee turns out to be a huge disappointment, I’ll certainly make a donation of either $10 or $25, depending upon how useful it is to me, but that’s a small price to pay for getting RAW access, and especially without having to permanently alter the camera’s firmware. Now, if only it had a hotshoe (the S5IS does), I’d be perfectly content, but I’ll survive. Besides, I never did get around to making one of those flash diffusers from styrofoam bowls so it doesn’t burn out stuff when you’re shooting macro.

Time to get to work…well, maybe we’ll just play with one more RAW image…. 😉

This is one of the funniest goddamned things I’ve ever read. He’s right, too–I never knew when I was supposed to use dative, or even what it meant!