I want to like you, I really do. Even though you live in Texas and see God in the clouds, you seem like a decent enough guy, and you’re happily married, so I don’t have to deal with stupid double entendres that make me roll my eyes because guys think they’re being clever when they’re not. I like the general theme of your images, and some of them are quite good. Some of them suck. Those that suck probably suck because you haven’t yet got a proper macro lens for that fancy-ass Nikon of yours. Incidentally, I’ve driven cars that didn’t cost as much as that camera. Anyway, I generally don’t hate you (for now), and your photography skills are improving. What I DON’T FUCKING NEED is for you to email me every goddamned time you photograph a bug and tell me about it. I have eyes, and there’s a helpful little link called “New photos from your contacts” where I can go and look at….new photos from my contacts. Yes, including….YOURS! I saw the butterfly, and the picture is nice, but no nicer than the other bazillion fucking butterfly photos you’ve posted. How excited can I possibly be by now? I know you’re keeping track of how many you find in your back yard, and guess what? I don’t care. I saw the goddamned sulphur and–much like EVERY OTHER FUCKING SULPHUR–it’s…..yellow. Surprise! It’s a little out of its known range–so what? You’re in Texas, not Alaska, and it’s not like this is a species thought to be extinct. Butterflies fly (hence the name) and they sometimes wander outside their known range. Sometimes, even less common butterflies wander out of their known range, and that is what happened in your case. I have looked at all of your new images, and I commented on the ones I liked. You know damned well I looked at them because I LEFT COMMENTS. I did not leave a comment on the image in question because it was boring, and no, I will NOT go back, scroll through the comments and follow the links. Know why? BECAUSE I DON’T FUCKING CARE!

Stop fucking harassing me. You are making me want to slap you. I swear to Jeezus that we’ve seen more of you since you wrote that stupid sappy, “My assistant quit, so I’ll have to work long hours, and will still have to find time for my family. Farewell for now, everyone–it’s been fun.” I didn’t tell you, but when I read that, I thought, “Oh, thank Christ! We’ll get a break from multiple uploads every single fucking day!” Did we get a break? Noooooo, you’re around as much as ever, maybe more. Fuck off; you’re a contact, not my goddamned mother. I may not have much of a life, but I’ve apparently got more than you have, so STOP EMAILING ME EVERY TIME YOU POST SOMETHING!