I came across a site that had images designed to help artists render accurate drawings of various ethnic types. Simply putting narrowed eyes on a Caucasian face doesn’t make it look Asian, so these drawings listed characteristics of different types. I looked at all of them, and of course I was curious as to what it showed for both of mine. I have come to the conclusion that I ended up with the least desirable characteristics of each ethnic type. British Islanders’ height (men’s, no less) with Silvids’…ahem…”robust” build, and wide shoulders and hips. I’d make a good draught animal. I lucked out in missing the Silvid receding forehead; getting a straight, wide British forehead instead, but did end up with the “striking” profile, prominent cheekbones sharp enough to nearly cut through the skin. Long, narrow British face, though, and Grandmère’s narrow jaw. I love, love, love dark eyes–the darker the better–but did I get Injun black eyes? Nope! Interesting that blue is a recessive gene, yet both my brother and I have our dad’s blue eyes, not our mother’s near-black. At least I missed the epicanthal fold, but none of the Injuns in my family (that I’ve ever seen) have it. Did I get striking, eye-framing brows? Not without significant application of makeup, I didn’t! I’d love to have dark gold skin like my cousin’s (he’s a half-breed, too), but what I got instead was British “fair, tends to freckling and to vascularity” (their words), with the dubious bonus of “sallow, tans if I’m out in the sun for more than six minutes, but doesn’t turn that beautiful golden colour like D.’s” (my words). Nope, I tan almost orange, and I don’t even need to spray it on! I was doing guido-orange before anyone even knew what a guido was, and I’ve already got a good start on my infamous summer “T-shirt, shorts and sneakers tan”, which is quite lovely…no wonder I never wear a bathing suit. Did I get that beautifully smooth, dewy, peaches-and-cream complexion for which British women are world-famous? Hell, no–might as well be Joseph Onasakenrat himself. When I was a teenager and into my early 20s, I used to dye my hair blue-black, but its actual colour is medium-dark brown…until I’m in the sun, when it’s West Country red. Most attractive, and complete with wild frizz, too…thanks, Dad! FML. 😛