I’m not a control freak. I’m plenty fussy, perhaps even bordering on obsessive, but I do understand that there are just some things that are outside my control. WHY ARE SO MANY FUCKING CONTROL FREAKS ATTRACTED TO THE FISHKEEPING HOBBY?! Jesus H. Christ–relax a little. You aquatic micro-managers are batshit, and you drive me batshit! A seed shrimp doesn’t give a flying fuck on a rolling doughnut whether you want him in there or not, and neither does a worm. If he CAN live there, he’s going to live there and you can stick your thumb up your arse and whistle Dixie for all he cares. You don’t have control of the bacteria, either. Get it? You get the good guys you want, and some not so good guys that you don’t want, and that’s just the way it fucking goes, so DEAL WITH IT. Snails, shrimp and fish are NOT going to remove every single scrap of algae. You’re going to have to do some of it yourself, period. If you don’t like that, then choose another hobby because that’s how it is. This may come as something of a surprise to you, but the point of having an aquarium in your house is to have a little piece of nature inside. Nature…as in “man will never tame Mother Nature”, and by man, I mean mankind, which includes anal retentive freaks. It’s an aquarium with real, live plants and animals, not The Sims.

P.S. Why is there no commercial bakery that knows how to make muffins without peaks on top, tunnels in the middle and sticky, underbaked crusts?