Yes, PLEASE email me two fucking enormous pictures of your fish first thing in the morning! Don’t crop a thing–with truly humongous pictures, I can absolutely see exactly why she has cloudy eyes when all you have for water parameters is a vague, subjective description, entirely free of those pesky numbers, courtesy of some dickhead at the pet store with his trusty dip strips! Why, there’s no reason for you to bother checking the Articles section for a problem profile that describes EXACTLY THE PROBLEM YOU HAVE, COMPLETE WITH TREATMENT OPTIONS. Why would you do that, or even post on the board when you can just email li’l ol’ me right here at home? Why not–I have nothing better to do, right? You know, I might actually be familiar with what you feed your fish but for the fact that you’re illiterate, use no punctuation, and insist upon posting EVERY FUCKING WORD in bold, italic, coloured text and it makes my brain hurt to even look at anything you write, much less to actually read it. Yes, PLEASE keep treating me like I’m your own personal fish care consultant, and by all means ignore everything that I’ve tried to pound through your concrete fucking skull. Truly, it thrills me to no end when you do that. I get up every morning and just thank God that you’re alive.

Asshat.