Picasa has a little button for “Order prints”–I happened across it as I was playing with the program, discovering pictures I’d forgot I even had. When I clicked it, it gave me a nice, random list of places that will print photos. Since it was on my mind, I read some reviews and came to the conclusion that I’d go with either Shutterfly or Kodak Easy-whatever it is now that it’s not Ofoto anymore. Both got good marks for quality, Kodak scored slightly better in speed and price. I visited both of their sites, and Shutterfly’s “Get Started” button took me to an error page, so I said fuck ’em and registered at Kodak. I kind of harbour a perverse appreciation of “Kodak orange” anyway–reminds me of my first 110 camera. I got ten free prints for registering (a buck and a half shipping), so I hunted down ten pictures that I wanted to send to my mother. A conversation with her goes like this:
Me: …yeah, I took my camera with me and got some pretty good shots of (insert subject here).
Her: Why don’t you send me any pictures? The last one I have is from a few years ago. I don’t even know what you look like anymore.
Me: I look the same as always, just older. I use a digital camera, not a film camera, and almost never print any pictures because you need to take out a fucking loan just to buy ink cartridges, and pictures take a lot of ink. Plus, home printed photographs tend to fade or discolour in time. Jesus woman, if you’d come and join us in this brave new 21st century, you’d have all the fucking pictures your bandwidth could handle. I could email, or send via instant message, or if I’m not around, you could just go read my blog.
Her: Blob? What’s a blob?
Me: Christ. Not blob–BLOG, with a “g”. It’s short for web log, and it’s sort of like an online journal where you post shit you actually don’t mind having other people read, and they can leave comments to tell you what they thought. Some people use them as a “journalistic outlet”, but mine is just junk I do or think, or saw and photographed, or drank, or whatever.
Her: Oh, like a website. You have a website?
Me: What? No–yes–but I started it in 2004 and never finished it–it’s still not finished. The blog is on the same web host, but it’s different because I can update it as easily as clicking a button and typing. Know what? Never mind–yes, like a website. Are you ever going to get a computer and a land line phone?
Her: Oh, this damned cellphone. It keeps using the Amherst tower and I can’t get any reception at all some days.
Me: I know that. At the moment, you sound like Darth Vader under water. “Luke! Don’t let your father drown!”
Her: I keep taking it back and they keep telling me it’s fine, but it’s not fine.
Me: Well, what do you expect them to say? “We knew you’d get shitty reception where you live and we know our network drops calls all the time, but you should be satisfied with that”?
Her: Well, no, but…what do you think is wrong with it?
Me: How the hell would I know?
Her: You know about these things!
Me: (head beginning to throb) I TOLD you…I repair, upgrade and occasionally build PCs–computers. I don’t work on game consoles, set top digital recorders, DVD players, TV remotes, satellite equipment, standalone sound systems, alarm systems or phones of any type, including cellular phones. I understand generally how they work, but the guts are a mystery and will remain one. Just because they sell it at Best Buy doesn’t mean I know how to fix it.
Her: Oh. So should I take it back and get another one?
Me: (sighing deeply) If it’ll mean we never, EVER have to have this conversation again, go for it!
Her: Okay. So when are you going to send me some pictures?
I hope these prints come out well.
