Geez, I’m just full of blog today, aren’t I? Anyway…. I got the mail this afternoon, and there was a letter from the city (well, they say “city”, but if you ask me, it’s a town). I thought, WTF, but opened it because my name was on it as well as P’s. Well Christ in a sidecar, imagine my surprise to see a notice for having violated a city code! Which one, you may ask…the lawn was too long. Now, truth be known, it was (because I fucking hate mowing and P would rather be disc golfing), BUT that was last week, we mowed it to golf course beautiful-ness last weekend, and this goddamn piece of paper is dated 09 May, also known as this past Tuesday. I thought, “Excuse me? The grass is two inches long. What exactly would you assholes have me MOW?” I was going to just ignore it, but then I looked a little closer and saw the enforcement officer had capitalised every word in his instructions. I have no idea why–perhaps he thinks that’s how one places emphasis on words–but I didn’t care. I decided, “Okay, you officious, illiterate little fool, I’m going to call that number, and I’m going to tear you a brand new asshole. I eat low level city government employees like you for breakfast.” I took another look outside to make sure that no blade of grass was out of place, grabbed the phone, and dialed. I got a secretary, who asked me what name was on the bottom of the paper and transferred me to the guy who’d issued the citation. I expected some limp-dicked little micromanaging wannabe with a stick up his arse (like the water commission guy), but instead, I got….a very pleasant, polite man who told me that he’d listed a bunch of places last week, but he’s so busy at this time of year that they don’t always get sent out right away, so that was probably why we’d got one even though we’d done the lawn last weekend. He apologised for my inconvenience, and explained that there are just the two of them doing code enforcement (all codes), and there’s a lot of territory to cover. Bitch though I certainly can be, how am I to argue with someone who’s polite and even friendly, overworked, and has issued an apology? Bitch is one thing, rude is quite another. 😉 I was sort of disappointed; I was really expecting something more like the two fuckwads who work in the water commission. Anyway, this is proof in black and white that P and I are both desperate criminals (edited to remove names and addresses, of course).

PDF here if you want full size.