If you’re a goddamned worthless European starling, that is. Just doing a little bird-watching out by the suet feeders. My little birds don’t pay any mind at all when I’m close; they seem to know I’d never hurt them. The starlings, however…that’s why Maw’s got ‘er gun.

I also know how I’d look as a fat person. I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, winter work socks, winter boots, a polar fleece jacket, two polar fleece bathrobes, a fuzzy microfleece hooded bathrobe, a balaclava, a scarf, and winter work gloves. Very…bulky. I would not be happy as a fat person.