All I wanted was a plain, unfinished sofa table with round, straight legs. I want to make a table that matches my “stone” topped one, so I didn’t want to pay a whole bunch for it. Googling showed one that looked right on target.com, but the thumbnail was small, and I already know how abysmally bad Target is in a web browser. I don’t know who designed that site, but he or she should have his or her genitals unceremoniously removed with a dull knife. Anyway, since I already had the Target app, I just used that. When I opened it, it wanted to update. I did not want to update, but could not ignore the irritating little message across the bottom of the screen. I sighed and updated. Part way through the update the goddamn thing froze, and although I waited, it did nothing. Black screen, unresponsive, no choice but to hard reboot. The phone came back on, but I got a message that said the SD card was damaged and the only option was to reformat, or ignore it and not mount the card. I chose the latter. Still, I have stuff on that card that I want. I already hate Target on a good day, and this was not a good day.

I figured the partition table was probably damaged but that’s usually not the end of the digital world as long as the data still exists. I got TestDisk from the repos, and ran it on the SD card. It did find errors in the heads and sector numbers and although I was able to successfully fix them with TestDisk, I still couldn’t get the card to mount. Fuck. Okay, let’s see if my data is still there. Everything looked OK, so I copied it to my hard drive, then ran chown recursively to change ownership of everything from root. Reformatted the card, tried to mount it, nope. Fuck. Tried again. Nope. Fuck. Deleted the partition, then formatted it again. Success! Copied my files over to the card, popped it back in the phone, and fired it up. Everything appears to be fine. No fucking thanks to Target. Fuck you, Target. I hate you. First, you make me jump through hoops, and nearly have to send you a sample of my DNA, just to get a credit card with a lousy $1000 limit, and then when I move to a new house you don’t want to change my address. Your site does not work in any browser that runs on my operating system, and now your spectacularly crappy app tried to destroy my SD card. Nothing that you have and no generous 5 percent discount can make me shop at your shit-tacular store ever again. Target, you can suck my non-existent dick!