Who writes this shite, and how do I manage to keep running into it in spite of my best efforts?

For every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.

Pardon me while I puke on my fuzzy pink bear feet slippers. What kind of goddamned fool would “act” weak? Okay, so maybe if you didn’t want to change a tire on the side of the road ’cause you were wearing a nice white suit and some guy who didn’t look too creepy stopped, but that’s just practical. Hell, if I was wearing jeans, I’d stop and change a tire for some guy who was obviously dressed up. C’mon…act weak? Why??? As for the second part of this idiocy, who the hell thinks that guys aren’t vulnerable? Last time I checked, they were just as much Homo sapiens sapiens as women, and there are certain characteristics common to the whole of the species. That’d be one of them, dumbasses; we all have tear ducts, and not only to rinse dust out of our eyes.

For every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything, there is a girl tired of people not trusting her intelligence.

Hello? What the fuck is this–1932? Nobody thinks guys know everything and nobody expects that they will. Nobody thinks that girls are stupid, or at least not exclusively. Stupidity is as common to both genders as any other shared characteristic.

For every girl who is tired of being called over-sensitive, there is a boy who fears to be gentle, to weep.

Jesus wept (and he was a guy!) Some women are called “over-sensitive” because…wait for it…they are over-sensitive! They’re the ones who somehow manage to claim PMS three and a half weeks out of every month, burst into tears if he doesn’t notice a new hairstyle, and sneak into his email and mobile call records to check for unfamiliar women’s names. OMG–he looked at that woman’s boobs! He doesn’t love me! WAAAHHHHH! Well, FFS, what did you expect him to do? If he’s heterosexual and still drawing breath, he’s as biologically programmed to look at women as you are to be attracted to that cute little “extra helpful” bag boy at Kroger. Unless he’s chasing her down the street with a taser in his hand, chances are pretty good that he’s just looking (and you do it, too–don’t lie!) The rest of us are pretty normal, so guys just need to stay away from the fucking crazies and they”ll be fine. Think you can’t move a man to tears? HAH! Throw out his favourite ragged T-shirt and the boxers with the worn-out elastic waistband, then hunt down his stash of “treasures” in the basement and give the lot to the Salvation Army. If that doesn’t work, put dead batteries in the remote and ask him, “Do these jeans make my arse look fat?” That’ll do it.

For every boy for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity, there is a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.

What? Jesus, drag this tired old thing out again, why dontcha? It’s okay for women to compete–we even let them in political office and the Olympics now! Anyway, women have always competed; just ask any two who simultaneously saw the hawt guy with a great car and money falling out of his pockets. They’ll be easy to find because they’ll be the ones clawing one another’s fucking eyes out in the parking lot.

For every girl who throws out her E-Z-Bake oven, there is a boy who wishes to find one.

Flaming fuck on a cracker. For how many years have chefs existed? Well, I know that Henry VIII had more than a few, and he died in 1547. Pirate ships certainly didn’t have chefs, but they didn’t have women, either (at least not unless they were women pretending to be young men), so somebody had to be feeding them. There’s a reason that “Cook” and “Koch” are surnames in a traditionally patriarchal society. Historically, the vast majority of chefs have been…men. Guys can cook and they always could, and past 1950-something, no one gave a rat’s arse about it. Some like to cook, some don’t. Some are good at it, some will at least manage not to poison the guests, and some shouldn’t be allowed near a kitchen. Same as women.

For every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires, there is a girl facing the ad industry’s attacks on her self-esteem.

FFS. Here’s a thought…turn off the TV, don’t listen to conventional radio, don’t read magazine or newspaper advertisements, use FF and AB+ online, and when you drive, watch the road, not the billboards. There–problem solved. As for the ladies, those with half a brain don’t pay attention to “attacks” on their self-esteem because they know that advertising is (surprise!) not real. It’s designed to sell product, and works on carefully researched psychological principles that will convince many people, both men and women, to buy stuff they don’t even need. That’s what it is by its very definition…it’s supposed to make you think your life will be better with (insert product). It has absolutely nothing to do with real self-esteem, and if you’re weak enough to believe that you need “stuff” to make yourself a decent person, or to be important/popular, then your credit card balance deserves everything you get, regardless of your gender.

For every girl who takes a step toward her liberation, there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little easier.

Jesus. Hand me that trash basket, please, because I’m gonna puke for sure. I spent much of my young life in a household with only my father and brother. Aside from my grandparents, all of my babysitters were teenage guys, or uncles (and one aunt, but she just let us run wild anyway). I’ve worked nearly all of my life in some of the most heavily male-dominated fields in existence, and haven’t had a problem. I know the “man’s world”. I had one job that was traditionally for women, and even then, I avoided the harpies and hung out with the two guys who did work there. Sure, I’ve encountered a couple of dicks here and there, but you get that anywhere. For the most part, if you don’t walk in with an attitude, you do your goddamned job and do it well, have a sense of humour and set boundaries, you’ll be just fine. Cultivate the, “Okay…that’s far enough” look and use it when a guy goes over the line. They’ll learn your limits, but they can’t read your mind. If you can’t do that, then you’re not liberated anyway. Nobody’s going to liberate you…you’ve got to do it yourself, not cop a ‘tude. If a guy opens a door for you, don’t freak the fuck out on him; he doesn’t think you can’t do it, he’s trying to be nice. Okay, be nice and maybe get your phone number. If you aren’t getting paid what you believe you’re worth (assuming you really are worth it), then ask for a raise based on your job performance, not on your gender or on some perceived discrimination. If your boss is an arsehole who truly does sexually harass you, sue the fucker, but “Hey, did you get your hair cut? Looks good!” is not sexual harassment. It’s called a compliment, and the correct response is, “Thanks!” The bigger deal you make about gender, the more like a bitchy ballcrusher you seem because…you’re being one. Stop trying so hard to create vast differences where none need exist. We’re different, yes, but not in “Venus and Mars” territory by a long shot. Find common ground. Person first, woman second, and nobody owes you a goddamned thing.

Fucking politically correct crap. EABOD.

P.S. That cartoon looks like a transvestite Hitler.