Please, somebody just fucking KILL ME. After my bitch-blog went down, I thought about calling “tech support” (HAH!) but there were so many people ahead of me that the fucking phone would have grown into the side of my head, so I thought I’d give their live chat a shot. For some reason, I always get a Russian guy. P. gets Dave or Mike or whatever (or Pradeep, claiming to be Mike), but I get Vladimir and Sergey, and Kirill. Frankly, if they fix my problem, I don’t give a flying fuck what planet they’re from, let alone what country, but they never, ever do. First guy tells me the site is working fine (I know that, dumbass–what part of “DATABASE error” did you miss?) and then just abandoned me after I’d spent half an hour waiting for…no help at all. Second guy shuffled me off to the third guy, who, after 20+ minutes of my sitting there, waiting for him to answer me, told me…drum roll, please….to submit a trouble ticket. Well, Jesus Christ astride a flaming fucking unicorn. Thank you for your assistance, gentlemen, but I was kind of hoping for something a little faster than glorified “Help by email.”

Having no other choice, I submitted a trouble ticket, stating “database script error” as my problem, even though it really wasn’t, but I had to choose something or I couldn’t move on to the next step, and that was the closest to my actual problem (there was no “my host sucks” option). My blog was back up last night, and again this morning, so I thought, “Oh, great–I’ll just go close that ticket and write a nice little thank you.” Not after what I just read, I’m not, and especially since it went down again for a while, though it’s obviously back up now. This time, I get some woman called “Lucy”, who, in classic IX fashion, tries to put the blame on me. She found an old (May ’08) .htaccess file that she referred to as “a redirect”, and told me she’d fixed the problem by renaming it to .htaccessold. If that had been the problem, I would have said “thank you!” but, of course, it wasn’t. That file was created in May, and if there’s a script kiddie willing to wait six months to wreak havoc, I’ve never heard of it. Besides, I created the fucking thing MYSELF, when I was playing around, doing an experiment. It wasn’t hurting anything.

Worst of all, this idiot says I should update my virus signatures, and install anti-spyware (conveniently providing links for me), and then tells me I should be more careful with my account login details. FUUUUUUCK ME! It’s a good goddamned thing she’s god-knows-where because THAT pissed me off. One, what the fuck good is Windows anti-whatever going to do for me? I do have Windows, which I use for PS and sometimes for MSN, and FF, and that’s it. I don’t upload anything to my blog, or even have an FTP client installed. Hell, I don’t even log into my blog from Windows; if I’m using XP, it’s because I have to, and I want to GTFO as fast as I can. Yes, I checked both Linux machines for rootkits, just like I always do, even though I don’t run about, installing software from just any old place. Two, you presumptuous bitch, the fact that most people save passwords if they can, and write them on Post-It notes and stick them on the monitor or under the keyboard if they aren’t allowed to save them doesn’t mean I do. I don’t, and I don’t use passwords like “12345” or “password”, or “jetsfan08”. My passwords are stored in my head, and they are all at least nine characters long, and all contain numbers, upper-case and lower-case letters, and (if it’s allowed) special characters. They do not form words; they form…nonsense that makes sense to no one but me. I absolutely HATE it when people assume that because the vast majority of users are Windows lusers who don’t know their arse from a hole in the ground and shouldn’t be given more than a limited account with zero admin privileges, I must be the same. I hate people who make assumptions about me of any kind, and that one…oh, that’s the number one assumption that I hate. Bitch? Yeah. Incompetent computer illiterate? No. Stop wasting my time with stupid assumptions, and FIX YOUR GODDAMNED MySQL!

I told P tonight that I want to switch to another host, hopefully one that actually deals with tech problems instead of just doing their damnedest to blame the customer, but it’s on his credit card, and he doesn’t want to deal with it. Honestly, that man will put up with the shittiest excuse for service, just as long as he doesn’t have to actually do anything, or call anyone. For three months, two of the channels he liked to watch didn’t even work, but he said nothing, not even to me, because it would mean a Charter tech would have to come here. Once I found out, I called and they sent someone, but he just couldn’t be arsed. Not me…if I’m getting it for free, then I don’t expect much, but by Jesus, if I’m paying for it, then I want what I paid for. Not more, and I do understand that sometimes, shit does happen, but I do want what I paid for.

Now, let’s see whether this is actually going to post, or whether my Windows spyware has stolen my password again and I get the DB error. Goddamn, I hate getting pissed off so late in the evening; between that and the flickering bedroom light/essence de ozone, I may never get to sleep!

I just had a thought…men named Sergey always disappoint me. That’s about the sexiest Russian-nerd name (okay, Alexey, too), and yet every guy I’ve ever known named Sergey has been anything but hawt, and not an über-nerd among them. Well, Sergey Brin, but he’s only sort of cute, not “want”. Oh well…better than John. Guys named John are almost magnetically attracted to me, or I am to them. My first “boyfriend” in Grade Six…John. First time I sneaked out of the house when Dad said I wasn’t allowed to go…John. First time I broke a military fraternisation rule…Jean (French dude, not a girl). First husband…John. First “friend that should’ve been more”…John. First….uh…heh. If he’s John, he’s always, always bad for me. Sometimes, they’re a nice kind of trouble, but oooooh, they’re trouble! 🙂