Commenting on an article about a Swedish lesbian couple who had a wedding ceremony at the Taj Mahal, some genius trying to be witty says…

“I want to see what a Swiss Army strap-on looks like.”

Switzerland, home of the Swiss. Capital: Bern. Located roughly in the centre-ish of Europe, bordered by France, Germany, Austria and Italy. Official languages: French, German, Italian, and (I think) another I’m too lazy to look up. Famous for Swatch (okay, clocks and watches in general, but I loved my 80s Swatch), the Swiss Alps/Matterhorn, milk chocolate, the “Swiss Miss” costume that appears at practically every Hallowe’en party in North America and gets smaller every year, ski patrols made up of hawt guys with sexy accents, the red/white cross flag, Saint Bernard dogs with brandy casks, neutrality, alp horns, and…cutlery. Perhaps its most famous cutlery…the Swiss Army knife.

Sweden, home of the Swedes. Capital: Stockholm. Located in Northern Europe, bordered mostly by Norway, and Finland in the north where not much other than reindeer and lichen are crazy enough to live, with the possible exception of some Sámi, but I think most of them are in Norway(?). At least that’s what Hannah said when she named her betta Sami. East across the North Sea from Denmark, north across the Baltic Sea from Germany and Poland. No official language; Swedish is the de facto standard, but everyone speaks English with some degree of proficiency. Famous for attractive people (beautiful women in particular), liberal attitudes, lingonberry jam (not 100% sure what a lingonberry is, actually), environmental responsibility, my beloved Linnaeus, Absolut, smorgasbord (the only vaguely Swedish word many North Americans know), weekend binge drinking, and, inexplicably, Swedish meatballs, which may or may not actually be Swedish in origin. My stepmother used to make those, and I thought they were horrible. Then again, she’s not exactly the Iron Chef. The Muppet doesn’t count because Jim Henson was American, but everyone thinks he’s funny and nobody thinks Swedes really sound like that.

I know they’re both in Europe and begin with “S”, but Swiss and Swedish don’t sound anything alike. Jesus…if you’re going to attempt wit, at least get the goddamned geography somewhere close so you don’t make us all look stupid, dumbass. Are you one of those US Americans who doesn’t have a map?

Edit: Learn something new every day! A lingonberry is what I know as foxberry. Cool.