I got my Charter email address early in 2001, I think. Since cable broadband was still relatively new here back then, I had no problem getting my initials and surname as an address even though my surname is roughly as common as dirt. A few years later, I started getting mail addressed to Leonard and/or Nancy. It turned out that these people were new Charter customers who had been assigned an email address that was mine, plus the number “2”, but those FUCKING IDIOTS sent out mass-mail to every one of their stupid friends with my address, not theirs. I emailed them and politely asked them to please (please, please-Jesus) correct it, and they said they would. After that, their mail started to taper off, but once in a while, I still get theirs because some friend hasn’t updated his address book, or somebody typed in the wrong address. I got one tonight, and I just know I’m going to get the bejesus spammed out of me because it was something from some crappy “get free smilies”, “free screensavers”, “free MySpace glitter GIFs” shit-site. I wouldn’t mind so much if their goddamned idiot friends weren’t the type to FORWARD EVERY STUPID THING ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET, AND ACTUALLY USE THE FUCKING “SEND TO A FRIEND” FUNCTION ON DUBIOUS WEBSITES! I don’t use my Charter address for anything except personal communication with at least reasonably computer-literate people I actually know. I never, ever give it out to anyone who doesn’t know better than to forward a message without stripping addresses, use the Bcc function to send to multiple recipients unless recipients already know one another, not use “send to a friend” on any website, and never, ever, EVER “tell a friend about this great new service!” I have spam filters that border on draconian, but that isn’t the point; I’ve kept the address clean because as long as Charter is our ISP, I’m pretty much stuck with it, and given that my choices for broadband here are Charter or 1.5 MB DSL from craptacular SBC Yahoo!, I’m pretty much stuck with Charter. How fucking stupid do you have to be to not be able to read your own email address? I am not in the least interested in offers from Amazon for “similar products”; I wouldn’t be interested even if the products were similar to my own purchases. I’m not interested in joining a lunch group with my own friends, let alone Nancy’s friends. I’m not interested in their church’s social functions–I don’t even go to church. I don’t know these people, I don’t want to know these people, and I’m not in the least interested in their lives, their family, their friends or their social engagements. Why, why, oh why could Charter not just give them a more unique address that they could not possibly fuck up? For that matter, how fucking hard is 2? Two…2…it’s a number. Right above the “w” key. Jesus! Arrrggghhh!

Interesting. I just checked the top one hundred most common surnames in the US, and mine is even more common than I thought–it’s number five!