Or at least buy me a house…on the other side of town.
Scenario: A train crashes into a yard sale in the parking lot of Wal*Mart during their July 5th 50% off clearance. The result? The front porch of this house. Like it wasn’t fucking bad enough, he’s rearranged it (AGAIN), and added…cattle. Plastic cows, ceramic cows, even salt and pepper shaker cows and a couple of anatomically correct bulls. The second cow from the left (on the railing) appears to be leering at the “equipment” on the bull next to her, but apparently he has eyes only for the Bossy with the bell. She’s probably a tart anyway. On the other side, it’s frogs, and what appears to be an empty aquarium. Oh, and he’s even raised the plastic palm tree up onto a table so it’ll really stand out. Christ.
(Full size version here, in case this isn’t offensive enough.)
The AIM/WOq flag has now been given a place of honour with a big US flag (among many small) on the front porch (nearly dragging on the ground, since the big flags are much too large for the spot), so now we have some lovely plastic flowers. I particularly like the mismatched wicker baskets (only one designed to be hanging), and the way he’s co-ordinated red (two shades thereof), white, blue, yellow and off-white all together. Most eye-catching! An equally tasteful touch is the two Uncle Sam windsocks (you remember those from their days on the front porch!) with their arms tied around the rusty metal bar. Well, at least they can’t flap six feet from my bedroom window.
Need a closer look so you can use some of these ideas to decorate your own house? Here you go!
June 16th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
OK, so now I can post this link:
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-digger15jun15,1,1860309.story?ctrack=1&cset=true
Frontyard Treasure? Just the Shaft
Montclair man thought he’d find gold under his lawn, but the city shut down his mining operation.
By Ashley Powers, Times Staff Writer
June 15, 2006
Enrique Mora was convinced that his neatly trimmed lawn in a Montclair cul-de-sac topped a modern-day mother lode — so two weeks ago, he started digging for gold.
And digging and digging and digging, until the 60-foot shaft so alarmed neighbors that someone alerted the city Fire Department, which shut him down this week.
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The funniest part to me is that he’s “a trombone player in a 23-piece salsa band.”
Good grief!
June 16th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Can we move Patriotic White Trash Man next door to the salsa band guy? Never know…he might just fall in a hole. Muahahaha!
June 19th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
http://www.readersheds.co.uk/readersheds/share.cfm?SHARESHED=667
June 19th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
It’s fortunate (for his continued good health) that man is not married to me. I’d feel compelled to cut off something rather near and dear to him….with a rusted butterknife. 😆
June 19th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
I do confess, the first thought that came to mind was, “this is why I’m not married.” Although I can get behind the feeling of wanting to accomplish something big and extraordinary and unusual– I just not that big of a Roman empire fan.
Balthazar adds: “Idiot Romans, never did anything but tax and conquer, tax and conquer. They were just big fat copycats. Like Microsoft.”
June 19th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
I can get behind the feeling of wanting to accomplish something big and extraordinary and unusual…providing its implementation is figuring out a creative way to mow the back lawn or clean the basement.
Actually, I suppose I wouldn’t give P a hard time if he wanted to do something like that (thank Christ, he doesn’t), but it would need to be somewhere that I could avoid looking at it and still go about my daily business. You know–like in another county or something. 😉
Balthazar, the Romans were among the first to keep fish in ponds (though they were a show of wealth, not pets). Perhaps without them, fishkeeping (and fish farming) mightn’t have caught on as it did, and you mightn’t be there, issuing orders to your finless biped. I’m with you on MS, though–I’m not sure they’ve ever come up with an original idea. 😉