I cannot possibly stay married to P, knowing that somewhere out there is Devastatin’ Dave the Turntable Slave. I’m absolutely overwhelmed by his sex godliness! The mullet, the molestache, lightning bolt (?) earring, red plastic sunglasses, sleeves torn off his shirt so lots of air gets to his hairy masculine armpits, fingerless gloves, leather pants, double wrap belt. The hot pink “ZAP” across his crotch is mildly disturbing, but I can ignore it in the face of all this manly musk.
Devastatin’ Dave is a musical genius with a message–say “no” to drugs. I have no fucking idea what exactly he’s saying, but I understand his message. Zip, zap, chibby-something, cocaine is bad for you, something, ha-che-che-cha, live in the projects, dip de wap something, scooby doo, cha-che-cha, stay in school, something, something. Bottom line, don’t do drugs or you’ll never be as sexy as Devastatin’ Dave….and you wouldn’t want that to happen.
Judging from the fashion statement, this album was released (WHY?) sometime in the early 80s. Incidentally, Dave-O, I wouldn’t have dated you even in 1984, and I owned one of those double wrap belts. Okay, let’s guess ol’ Dave in his early 20s then, which puts him in his 40s now. If no one beat him to death for his wardrobe and music, he’s probably married, balding and has a paunch. His kids have to live with the fact that their father is Devastatin’ Dave the Turntable Slave. They’re all in therapy.
P.S. The fishies got me an iPod Shuffle for Mother’s Day. I can’t wait to load some Zip Zap Rap onto it!
