It may have taken me forever, but I’ve figured out why I’m constantly plagued by stress-related conditions (or aggravations of existing conditons that are affected by stress levels) and have been since I came here. It’s because I have no “alone”, ever. I hadn’t always lived alone, but always had some time where I could be entirely alone and undisturbed. Maybe I had to go for a walk to get it if my significant other was hanging about, but the point was that I could–nobody around on the mountain. When I did live alone, I’d lock the door, unplug the phone, close the curtains, turn off the lights and turn on the stereo as loud as I could stand it. THAT was my stress relief, and THAT was why I could handle a great deal of stress without noticing any consequences–it didn’t get a chance to build. Here, I’ve got fucking SP’s worthless arse stuck here all day, EVERY FUCKING, FUCKING DAY, and going outside is pointless because there are more fucking people out there, and traffic noise, and that godforsaken oil pump jack. I don’t want to hear adults, children, cars, dogs, cats, or any noise that indicates an area may be inhabited by humans. The few instances that SP isn’t hanging about, P is here. Not that I don’t love him to bits, but he certainly qualifies as a person, and I need time with NONE. No people at ALL. What I want is first for SP to get gone. I don’t care where, or how, just gone. Then, I want a room of my own. Not shared with P, just mine. Basement would be ideal, or else no fucking neighbors so I can listen to music at whatever volume I like without giving them any excuse to complain and justify making noise of their own. I want no windows in the room, and one door with at least a deadbolt, for which I have the only key. In the room I want a twin bed, a comfortable chair, a side table and some kind of good sound system. Nothing else. No phone, no computer, no contact whatsoever with the outside–I come out when I’m good and goddamn ready. I think that would be the end of the tension headaches, the aching neck, inability to find a comfortable position to sleep, irritability, and perhaps even the bruxism. Will I ever get it? Not likely, unless my life is at stake, because P truly can’t understand how much I hate people and their fucking noise, noise, NOISE. He doesn’t even hear it, but to me, it’s like a dripping tap. Always there, slowly driving me insane. I like people on the Internet–I can shut them off any time I like, and they make noise only if I let them and happen to turn the speakers on. That’s the way all people should be except for P; he can stay as long as I get some time all alone. 😉